Hey Folks, Harry here with a look at the latest Jackie Chan movie... THE ACCIDENTAL SPY, from a fella in Hong Kong, who felt it played out like a bad Roger Moore BOND movie. Now I admit that I prefer just about every other dipiction of James Bond over Roger Moore... And I do know his good ones (THE SPY WHO LOVED ME and FOR YOUR EYES ONLY and personally I love MOONRAKER), but even the "BAD ONES" had a charm and a sense of fun that I still enjoyed. But go into this film expecting a Roger Moore BOND flick and that might be the right expectation.... Ok? Here ya go....
Dear Harry and AICN gang,
Kung Hei Fat Choy, Happy Chinese New Year from Hong Kong.
Jackie Chan's latest film, "The Accidental Spy" opened in Hong Kong a
week ago (all his films open around Chinese New Year). I saw it
recently and, what can I say? Well, Jackie's what? 55 years old? It
shows. He now makes only two films a year, doesn't he? One for
Hollywood, and one for Hong Kong. Unfortunately, there is very little
action in this action film.
Directed by Teddy Chan Tak-Sum, "The Accidental Spy" (its Chinese name
translates as "Special Mission, Mysterious City") stars Chan, Vivian Hsu
(Taiwanese singer), Eric Tsang Chi-Shing, Kim Ming Jeong, and Wu Hsing
Kuo. It is set in South Korea, Hong Kong, and mostly, Turkey. It is
being called the most expensive Hong Kong movie ever, but you end up
wondering where the money went: was it the expensive locations
(Turkey???) or all those cars they smashed up?
By the way, there are two posters for this movie, and they both suck big
time.
This is a summary of the convoluted story (Beware! LOTS OF SPOILERS!)
The story begins in Turkey, where a woman reporter and her crew go to
some medical research station. The reporter says there is an outbreak
of pneumonia and you can see funeral pyres as her van drives by. When
they arrive to their destination, a place with people wearing lab coats,
some locals with machine guns appear and kill all the foreigners,
including the reporter. Then, at the South Korean embassy in Turkey,
someone called Park arrives and staff are surprised to find him there.
Then, we are introduced to Buck Yuen (Jackie Chan)in Hong Kong. He's a
fitness equipment salesman, who showcases his athletic abilities at his
workplace but can't make a sale. On his lunch break, he notices some
suspicious characters in a shopping mall, then lands in the middle of a
robbery. Lots of shot-evading and running around ensues. He gets hold
of the money bag, and while evading the thieves, jumps from the
building's roof onto a construction crane. The crane somehow swings and
smashes a whole floor of a nearby building (very bogus, IMHO). Buck
then comes down. The police think he's a suspect, but then he's on the
news and newspaper front pages as a hero.
A private investigator, Many Liu (Tsang) finds him, and interested in
the fact that Buck's an orphan who was born in 1958, says he might be
the son of a South Korean called Park. There's a monetary reward.
Buck, who lives in a really cool apartment on a salesman's salary, has
fuzzy dreams in which "his parents" dangle a crucifix in front of him.
He goes to South Korea to meet Park, who has a crucifix like the one in
his dream, who's in a facility which appears to be a high-security
prison (with no other prisoners in sight) and who's dying of cancer. He
notices a pretty girl (Jeong) in the prison courtyard, and she follows
him. She later introduces herself as Carmen, a reporter for some US
gossip paper. She explains that Park was a famous North Korean spy who
defected in Turkey. Married a Chinese woman in Hong Kong years ago.
Later, some guys are asking Park on his bed, "where is the thing?" and
try to kill him (how did they get into the maximum-security place???)
but Buck thwarts them. Eventually he dies, Buck gets the crucifix, and
the reward. Visiting Park's wife's tomb, he scatters most of his ashes
and finds a cryptic message "Wait for me" carved on the tombstone. He
wonders why the message is in English, not Korean, and figures out that
the letters for the phrase are the numbers of a phone, the phone of the
Bank of Istanbul.
By the way, the name of the love theme of this movie is "Wait for Me",
sung by Chan and some other girl singer.
He goes to Istanbul, pretends to be Park and finds a deposit box with
loads of cash. People follow him, beat him up, ask him "where is it?"
too. Then, in his hotel, sees a girl, Jong (Hsu), with a scarf thing
with the embroidered words "Wait for me". Of course he falls for her.
She speaks Mandarin, can't act, and works for a guy called Zen (Wu),
some rich big shot who has a harem of girls. Lots of footage suitable
for a tourism commercial follow. Buck is shown in a Turkish bath, bad
guys appear, "where is it?" again, lots of chasing. Buck goes around
wearing only a towel, and then apparently naked, through a bazaar as
with bad guys on pursuit. His fans get to see his butt...
Carmen arrives with bad-lines-spouting black CIA guy (oh she's not a
reporter?) who explains that a virus "Anthrax II" had been tested in
Turkey and Park had it and now Zen wants it back. Everybody thinks Buck
has it. Buck meets Jong and they are captured by Turks, from the
village where the virus was tested, and they're pissed. They think he's
Park. He escapes with Jong when Zen's men come shooting. Later, Zen
rescues Buck and Jong. Zen offers a deal: if he returns the virus
samples, he can have Jong (exposed now as a drug addict) in return.
Buck finds the virus, gets Jong, who overdoses with poison (courtesy of
Zen) and dies. Hsu was acting so bad, no one cared she died...
Buck finds Zen at an air strip, stops him from flying, and chases him,
now aided by the CIA. He wants the virus back too, I guess. Zen's car
rams a fuel truck, whose rear catches on fire. The driver, his wife and
boy are in the truck's cab, and they can't slow down or the fire will
advance forward and blow everything up. Zen is pushed off the car, and
now Kean--, I mean Buck, must save the driver and his family and take
the speeding bus--, I mean truck to a safe place where it can blow up.
Yes, after Zen falls off the car (he doesn't die, bad guys NEVER die in
Jackie Chan movies), the movie becomes "Speed 2-and-a half", all for the
sake of some big stunt. Lots of cars get totalled, Many Liu reappears
on a choppper, and the truck falls of a bridge as Buck leaps off
(carrying the virus) and survives by hanging on to netting on the side
of the bridge. He then tumbles down the side of the hill, Many finds
him and takes the virus away. Then we learn that Many is actually some
big spy (bigger than CIA), that he created the dreams Buck had of his
parents, and offers Buck a job when he's back in Hong Kong.
As the credits roll, we see a few outtakes, plus a look at Buck in a new
mission in Italy, a last chance to see him, in disguise this time.
Like I said, very little action overall. Felt a lot like a bad Roger
Moore Bond movie, one with too many writers, and particularly hated the
"Speed" ripoff at the end and the many product placements. There's
Cantonese, Mandarin, Korean, Turkish and English spoken, and the English
lines are really amateurish. Obviously, the ending allows for a sequel,
but why bother? Truth is, Chan can't really retire just yet, so you can
expect him to keep on putting out crap like this.
One star out of five.
Best regards,
Harry Chan
Kowloon, Hong Kong
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