I am – Hercules!!

AGAIN, GIANT GIANT BUFFY SPOILERS AHEAD!! TURN BACK NOW, ALL THOSE WHO FEAR GIANT GIANT BUFFY SPOILERS!!

* The Big Scooby Death does not occur in 6.15.

* We will learn in 6.13 that Buffy did not come back as a demon, or as an angel, or as a soulless being, or as an immortal. Her “coming back wrong” seems closely connected to her feelings for Spike.

* The teaser of 6.16 features Buffy and Willow trying on their hideous bridesmaid dresses.

* There are tons of demons coming to the wedding. Some are even houseguests. Tentacled demons. Bird-like demons. Floppy-eared demons (perhaps to explain Anya’s fear of the hare).

* We finally meet Xander’s folks (the hard-drinking Anthony and tightly-wound Jessica Harris). Pop Harris isn’t too happy to find a warty demon raiding Xander’s fridge. Xander explains away the freakish appearance of Anya’s friends by claiming they’re circus people.

* Xander’s dad will come to do a technicolor yawn into Buffy’s purse during the rehearsal dinner. The demons come to fear Tony Harris.

* Mrs. Harris routinely refers to the groom as “Alexander.”

* We get a good hard look at other branches of Xander’s scary family tree, including glimpses of his oft-married fiftysomething second cousin Carol, his never-married fiftysomething second cousin Weezy (another female), his Aunt Betty and the ancient Great Uncle Harry.

* Xander speaks the last words of the teaser: “There is nothing on earth that can stop this wedding now!”

* A creepy old dude turns up rather ominously. At the end of act one, the crusty fellow will claim to be -- FutureXander!!!! (He also claims to carry a magical orb from FutureWillow!)

* Buffy tells Xander: “I kind of missed my chance with you, didn’t I?”

* Spike attends the festivities and defiantly nuzzles a non-slayer girl.

* Via magic, we’re offered a glimpse of Xander’s future, and even meet his alleged offspring, Josh and (wait for it) Sarah! Xander is a beer-swilling oaf, a swollen Anya sells cosmetics, and the little Harrises are borderline-feral. Anorexia and unplanned pregnancy may attend their young-adult years.

* Floppy-eared Sarah takes after her demon parent (and we may not be talking about Anya)!

* When Xander seems to have disappeared by the end of act three, Anya confronts “FutureXander.”

A quick shout-out to the kids over at the Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe site (even though some of the doubters there can be very mean and awful to the Hercster) and I go on record (again) about my sharing the Willow-Tara love. Amber rules, I'm not confused, and long live Kitty Fantastico (another I consider a full-fledged member of the Scoobs)!!

Finally, some sweet, sweet plugola for the “Buffy” first-season DVD:

Behold the clippage!

• Click here for "Buffy Meets Angel" 56kps clip
• Click here for "Buffy Meets Angel" 100kps clip
• Click here for "Buffy Meets Angel" 300kps clip
• Click here for David Boreanaz interview 56kps clip
• Click here for David Boreanaz interview 100kps clip
• Click here for David Boreanaz interview 300kps clip
• Click here for "Buffy and Angel's First Kiss" 56kps clip
• Click here for "Buffy and Angel's First Kiss" 100kps clip
• Click here for "Buffy and Angel's First Kiss" 300kps clip
• Click here for the "The Reluctant Slayer" 56kps clip
• Click here for the "The Reluctant Slayer" 100kps clip
• Click here for the "The Reluctant Slayer" 300kps clip

CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER THE DVD AND SAVE 30%

I remind you not to defy me!!!

I am – Hercules!!

To order coffee mugs and boxer shorts adorned with the image of a green, handicapable “Buffy” fanatic, click here.