A young assistant district attorney inherits a watch from his murdered grandpa. But grandpa had a secret identity as a crimefighter, and – faster than you can say “Greatest American Hero” – the watch gives the lawyer superpowers and a platoon of superpowered enemies. But the princess says, “… this is a script by a writer who has no feeling for pop-culture, or even the inner life of his twenty-something characters.”
“The Legacy”/Warner Bros/Bruckheimer/UPN
“The Legacy” is a new pilot from Bruckheimer and Warner Bros. Originally developed for the WB, it’s now being developed at UPN. “A young Assistant District Attorney brings comic book villains to justice”. Sounds intriguing, doesn’t it? Well….it’s not. The writer, Simon Kinberg, has a blossoming feature profile, but if he didn’t pull this out of his “Awesome Ideas!! -- 1991” file, he should be ashamed of himself. If it weren’t for us AICN readers who like to keep an eye on projects about comic books and super heroes, I would have thrown this script across the room and left it there for the cat to pee on. One of several “woe is me, I’m a superhero” pilots this year, it’s a tired retread of a hundred clichéd ideas. Add the injustice of gaping plot holes, complete lack of logical mythology, and whiny two-dimensional characters and you have the next surefire series pickup by UPN. (I’m only slightly joking…)
Sam Maddux is a cracking good ADA. He has a great girlfriend, a boss who admires him, and a Grandpa that loves him. Oh, poor Gramps. Gramps has been ix-nayed under very mysterious circumstances. The will is read, Sam’s father Jack gets…well.…..jack (tee-hee), and Sam gets…… a crumby watch.
Hitchhiking along with the watch is “The Legacy”. Wearing the watch, Sam can run faster than a speeding bullet, is able to leap tall buildings with a single bound, and the poor boy hates every second of it. “What’s happening to me?” he whines, “I didn’t ask for this!” he wails. You get the picture. If it weren’t for the timely arrival of Rocket, an old childhood friend, our hero would still be in bed with a mug of Ovaltine, nursing his Chosen One cramps. Thanks to Rocket’s obsession with comic book history, we find out that Gramps wasn’t just some old guy, oh no. Rocket’s certain that a comic book from 1951 called “The Defenders” is real, that it documents actual history. Gramps, claims Rocket, was one of the Twelve Defenders, a top-secret military troop, put together under FDR. What were they Defending us from? Well, the Offenders, of course. A top-secret group of villains who…..oh, I have no idea…but they were very villainous. Balderdash, says Sam, if Gramps was a Defender, then I’m the Chosen One!…..oh….. (Here’s where I ask a stupid question: Who wrote the blasted comic book? Can we just call that guy and ask him what gives? )
Sam has a bad habit of fleeing any conversation he doesn’t like (great quirk for a criminal lawyer), and mid-flee the inevitable Creepy Homeless Guy Who Knows All accosts him. ELLIOT (creepy guy) has bad news for Sam: the dark days are a’ coming! (no kiddin’). The comic books are real. They document the ultimate battle, the battle of good and evil. Beneath the surface, this is a world of heroes and villains. The Defenders are being killed off, the Offenders are stronger than ever, and only the Chosen One can stop them! Sam flees.
Halfway through this mess some genius decided it should also be a cop show, so enter the cop. She has news for Sam – Gramps didn’t just shuffle off to Buffalo, he was pushed off. I shall avenge thee! says Sam, but just this one time. How to start? he muses. Ooo-ooo-ooo, says Rocket, hand in the air. Rocket is soooooo ready to be a superhero’s sidekick; he’s been waiting for this his entire life. Thus beginneth a painful passage full of tired training sequences, and endless “banter” about disguises. The cherry on top of this treat is the embarrassing moment where Sam & Rocket’s silhouettes cast “the image that is the insignia of the show”. (Really? Silhouettes. Damn, why didn’t I think of that? ) And just to alleviate the crackling suspense, Sam’s costume ends up being “Batman by way of Prada”. (zzzzzzz….snort…zzzzzz)
Needless to say, one of the Offenders done kill Sam’s Grandpa. And it seems this fellow’s been systematically knocking off the other Eleven Defenders as well. Sam and Rocket track said Bad Guy down into the subway tunnel, where they find him choking the life out of creepy guy Elliot. Did I mention Elliot is the very last of the Twelve Defenders? Well, with Elliot disabled, it’s up to Sam to bring home the big finale. He pulls up his britches, raises his fists, and does a terrific impression of a punching bag. Oh Sam, did Rocket teach you nothing? Spitting dirt out of his mouth, Sam has a flash. Right ho! The subway! He lures the super-genius Bad Guy onto the tracks, where he’s swiftly dispatched by a speeding locomotive. Well that’s that, says Sam, job well done. But it’s too late for Elliot, apparently, who didn’t respond well to the choking. As he breathes his last breath, “the Legacy” is passed heavily onto Sam’s slumping shoulders.
Somehow (don’t ask, don’t ask) they proceed to arrest a number of other evil villains. Sam gets back to his quiet life with his great girlfriend, and Rocket starts drawing a new comic book (guess what his inspiration is). But this is not over, not by a long shot. A new day dawns bright and clear for young ADA Sam Maddux. But…on the dresser he sees the watch that started it all. He reaches out….and straps it on…..
Ugh. Ugh. A thousand times, Ugh. This is supposed to be an ironic deconstruction of the superhero mythology, but there are two problems with the writing: a) lack of irony b) lack of any knowledge whatsoever of the superhero mythology. It’s like someone who watched “Batman” once decided it would be cool to write a project like this. Any amount of research would have told the writer that all of this territory had been tread before, and better. It’s lazy, lazy, lazy. By the third “this can’t be real” conversation, and the second “dude, you gotta get some style” scene, I was moaning almost as much as Sam. This is a script by a writer who has no feeling for pop-culture, or even the inner life of his twenty-something characters. Sam is a simpering, whining, Gawd-‘elp-us, a hero that takes “reluctant” to a whole new level. The writing is even occasionally contradictory and incomprehensible. The description of Rocket’s comic book strewn office: “Welcome to the Unabomber’s office. A kid’s dreamhouse”. Whaaa?
It’s extremely telling that the WB let this project go to UPN. Good-bye and Good riddance. “The Legacy” is probably being groomed for the post-Buffy or Enterprise slot. (Remember that UPN did not develop either of those). In theory this project would appeal to the same general demographics, but it certainly won’t widen them, which is what UPN really needs to do. Now that the network is in the Dawn Tarnofsky-Ostroff/Les Moonves era, the test will be to see if they continue with the same B-grade shite.
“The Legacy” will directed by Jim Gillespie, and will probably shoot in Canada. Cast is still to be determined.
Princess X
