I am – Hercules!!

The script of the sixth episode of the seventh season of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is out there. Spoilers certain to completely ruin this installment for you lie ahead. We’re only posting them because it’s better you get them here than out on the street:

* 7.6 is titled “Him.”

* “Emergency cheerleader tryouts” are held at Sunnydale High when one of the squad has a nasty run-in with a vending machine.

* Lori, the Cordelia-like captain of the cheerleading squad, gets terribly annoyed when a star quarterback (let’s call him Skyler) fails to ignore Dawn properly. Lori mocks Dawn by suggesting that sister Buffy, the school’s new counselor, is “some kind of narc or something.”

* Skyler feels threatened too, because his coach plans to start the Saturday game with a longtime benchwarmer (perhaps named Kozac). Dawn pleads with Kozac to bow out so Skyler can lead the team to victory. When Kozac laughs her off, Dawn does something surprising enough to be revealed in inviso-text! At the end act one, Dawny shoves the burly Kozac down a flight of stairs.

* It turns out Skyler can make all the females in Sunnydale do his bidding, thanks to his magical letter jacket. There’s a funny scene closing act two that may remind some of “Buffy Vs. Dracula.” Skyler slips the jacket on while Buffy is trying to lecture him about the evil of womanizing.

* Sounds like a Xander-centric episode from a few seasons past? There are parallels, including more than a little exciting catfight action. The slayer will even abuse her Sunnydale High authority to score some one-on-one time with the hunky footballer many years her junior.

* Spike and Xander, being the only two boys left in the regular cast, team up to sort out what’s happened. They visit Skyler’s brother, Lance. Once a big man on campus, Lance has grown into a pudgy delivery boy for Pizza Barn. It is from Lance that they learn of the jacket’s disturbing history.

I am – Hercules!!