Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

Okay... so I’m not sure if I’m slow on the draw on this one or not, but it’s news to me, so I’m running it.

I heard that Kate Beckinsale had been added to the cast of the new Stephen Sommers film VAN HELSING, but I wasn’t sure what she was playing. I’d also heard something about Richard Roxburgh (hilarious at channelling Gary Oldman’s most weaselly side in MOULIN ROUGE) playing Dracula. Beyond that, though, I wasn’t really sure who was doing what in this attempt to update the classic Universal Monsters icons into a new franchise property that the studio can exploi... er... enjoy all over again.

So who is playing what? And what’s the story about? Yeah, I get the basic gist of it... we’ve got Van Helsing and monsters. But what’s the hook?

Seems that Beckinsale is playing Anna, the “fiercely proud daughter of a family committed to the pursuit of the vampire Dracula.” This is what brings her in contact with Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing, who has been brought to a distant Eastern European land (anyone wanna bet it’s a lot like Prague?) to face a whole cluster of monsters.

There is, as I mentioned, Roxburgh as Dracula, and there’s also Shuler Henley playing Frankenstein’s monster. He’s a Tony winner from this year’s OKLAHOMA revival, and he actually did the show with Jackman at one point in London, and he was in the Jackman/Ashley Judd film SOMEONE LIKE YOU, so they should be quite comfortable working together here.

Geeks are about to get acquainted with David Wenham, if they’re not already, thanks to his featured role in THE TWO TOWERS, and in VAN HELSING, he plays Carl, a friar who is entrusted with the task of making sure Van Helsing is safe during his adventure. Wenham’s been in films like MOULIN ROUGE and DUST, but I confess a near-complete ignorance of who he is. I’m looking forward to finding out, though, on December 18th.

Will Kemp is evidently active in experimental dance theater, and he’s just finished his first film, Renny Harlin’s MINDHUNTERS. He plays Anna’s brother Velkan, who has a secret that involves the full moon and being pure at heart. Yeah... that’s right... he’s the Wolf Man.

And if you’re a fan of Sommers, then you already know Kevin J. O’Connor quite well. He’s that guy, that bug-eyed sweaty guy who has done such distinct work in both THE MUMMY and DEEP RISING, not to mention lesser efforts (ahem) like GODS & MONSTERS, AMISTAD, and THE MODERNS. He’s playing Igor, Frankenstein’s assistant, and he’s the first guy I can actually see challenging Marty Feldman for ownership of the role. Should be fun.

Finally, there are three actresses signed to play Dracula’s brides, and if you’re a man, heterosexual, and alive, then prepare to rejoice. Elena Anaya was nominated for a Goya for her work in SEX & LUCIA, and as much as I would like to say I’m only excited because of her acting ability, that’s a lie. This girl is blindingly hot. Stupefying. She’s sex on springs. There is a sequence in SEX & LUCIA that I haven’t been able to shake since I saw it this summer, and any excuse to see her on American screens is a good thing. If Silvia Colloca and Josie Maran are anywhere near as beautiful, then Dracula’s brides are going to be a major threat to the sales of Viagra when the film is finally released.

And, look... I know Sommers isn’t making art films. But he’s one of the few guys working right now making pure popcorn who does it with a sort of maniacal glee. There’s no cynicism about his films, and that makes them fun in a very simple way. I wish I could be ten years old to see his movies when they come out, because I have a feeling they’d be the greatest things ever. As it is, I’m just glad someone remembers how to have fun with these high concepts and not overthink things too much. I’m sure we’ll have more on this as it winds its way to theaters in May of 2004.