Hey folks, Harry here... Last night I was checking out my DVD of THE VAMPIRE LOVERS... and what a wonderful film that was. It is pre- all this Goth leather and latex stuff... see through sheer gowns... bouncy breasts... girl on girl blood-sucking... genuine atmosphere... No techno music anywhere... Garlic, steaks and decapitations! And female vampire and virginal victim nudity! FVAVVN!!! That's what this film needs... of course, you'd need a more buxom vampire than Kate! Maybe someday when I'm running things... HA!
Hi Harry, Just saw a private screening of Underworld.
Anyway, onto the movie. I was looking forward to it after viewing the cool trailer. Unfortunately, it's quite a dud. It's extremely heavy handed, the plot is confusing, and the characters unappealing.
The 'plot' revolves around a war between Vampires and Werewolves (or the Lycans), and the Vampires are winning. The Werewolves are trying different means to fight back, and the Vamps discover they're trying to get hold of medical intern Michael, played by the colourless Scott Speedman.
The war isn't fought with claw and fang, as one might expect, but guns, guns and more guns. However, the Vamps don't get to show their teeth much, just relying on firepower. Not even a scene where a human victim cops it. Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a 'death-dealer', is one of the foremost werewolf unters who chances upon the Werewolves plot, and races to reach Speedman before the Lycaens do with the help of her two handguns and later on, silver halide bullets to cunter the Werewolves 'UV gunk'. The rest of the movie is a bunch of unengaging action, more action than horror.
As reflects the Gothic origins, the movie is practically set in darkness. It's either night or underground. Some dashes of colour here and there, most noticeably on Bacardi ads.
And Kate Beckinsale? Unfortunately she lacks screen charisma. She dresses up in leather, wields twin hand guns, but can't compare to Carrie Ann Moss who did it with more style. Speedman is also empty and vacuous, The director paints them in without any personality, and you don't really give a shit whether they die or get blown up. Frankly, the acting veers between two kinds of expression; constipated and extremely constipated.
There's no fun in the movie, not even a good Vampire joke. I left extremely disappointed. It's a film that's going to have one big weekend and fade off quickly because word of mouth about this movie is going to be pretty awful. Yet another victim of the 'great trailer, bad film' syndrome.
The transformation of the Lycans from humans to werewolves is pretty cool, but cool effects don't quite make a movie for me. It's a movie that was probably sold on it's concept, but alas, the execution leaves much to be desired. Worst of all, the ending tries to set up an 'Underworld 2', but may the undead rise before that happens.
Signing off,
Strahd
