Hey folks, Harry here... My dear friend Dorothy Parker is off visiting her Grandma's House in Georgia... she's wearing her red hood and cape, her cute little sundress and has a nice basket filled with her old dependable L.C. Smith & Bros typewriter #8 and her chocolate covered expresso beans. Even if she is out and about, she never ceases to search for adventure, and in traveling to "Grandma's" she decided to see if there was some cool Georgia Drive-In to attend. All film geeks should make this part of their regular deal... Whenever you travel, before you go... go to Drive-Ins.Com and see if there is a Drive-In theater near where you are going. This way... you can have your own adventure like Dorothy Parker's!
Dearest Harry,
I had to write to you about this as soon as I got back! What a night! Remember telling me about searching online to find a drive-in theater to watch 8 Legged Freaks at? Of course you do. Since then I'd poked around and read about a few in Texas...but I never went. A lot of those sites can be downright depressing, what with all the stats on how quickly the original drive-in theaters are drying up and closing. This begs the question: What kind of person would have the gold plated eggs to decide to open a NEW drive-in theater. I just found out.
To start with, I had no idea that I was not dealing with an "original" theater. The listing in the Athens Flagpole just said, Hwy 17 Drive-In and the phone number. I called the number and they were offering Jeepers Creepers II or Freddy VS Jason. No directions, just a recording. When I searched online, I found their website looks like a bunch of business cards glued together: Click Here!
Apparently there is a Manor House, a corn maze, the drive in, and the owner offers the services of decorating your property with Christmas lights, or buying or selling any spare piece of real estate you've got lying around. Why am I asking questions? Best to just get in the car and go, right? Damned right.
If you head North on Hwy 29 past Danielsville, you will pass a place called "Snug Harbor". I do not know if "Snug Harbor" is a junk yard, a rendering plant, taxidermy shop or private residence, although I suspect the latter. It looks like pirates ran their ship aground in a creek bottom, fortified it with logs, barbed wire, lawn ornaments and hubcaps, then iced the cake by exchanging their sails and Jolly Roger for Confederate Flags. Lots of Confederate Flags. I adored "Snug Harbor", and felt it was the perfect place to drive past before seeing a horror flick--if only they'd had 2000 Maniacs on the bill.
Okay, so the trip there is nice. There's enough kudzu to make Edward Scissorhands sit down and weep, and all I can think of is Steven King stumbling around like a Frankenstein Chia Pet in Creepshow. So you know I'm in my happy place.
Imagine how much happier I am when I see that the entire drive-in is 100 percent homemade. The owners make everything, right down to the letters on the roadside marquee. I don't know if they were electrical tape or construction paper, but they were black and peeling. Who ever was on scissor duty must have gotten a cramp, because they abbreviated Once Upon a Time in Mexico to Desperado 2it's made of cinder blocks and particle board, but with loads of paint to disquise it, like a set. After I pay and drive past the window, I see lots of cats rolling around in the grass, and the entrance to the corn maze behind the house.
Harry, there was NOBODY there! I parked the car and headed up to the house where the donikers and concessions were, and still, looking over at the other screen, there was only one car to watch Jeepers Creepers. While this stinks for their business, I have to say, every boogie man worth his salt missed his golden opportunity to scare the living snot out of me and disembowel me in unhindered comfort out in the spooky freakin' sticks 'cause who the hell would have stopped him? As I walk to the house, I'm also facinated by the corn maze... Then, when I get inside the house, I'm floored. The lobby is an art gallery full of folk art paintings of Medieval tapestries. I say painting, but actually one was an enormous jigsaw puzzle that was framed. The decor in here is Medieval as well, with tapestry curtains and velvet ropes to keep your popcorn greasy paws off the art.
I start talking to one of the ownersobviously at UGA they're more picky about getting papered than in Austin. When I start to ask her about the corn maze and tell her about the one I'd seen at the Texas Rennaisance Festival, she brightens. In the talk, she says that the place may not stay a drive-in...I'm getting the impression she might like to turn it into another RenFest amusement or a Christmas tree farm. I'm getting this weird feeling like I'm in Bizarro world. A place like this near Austin would probably be mobbed by people with coolers of beer. If Tim had a bushhog and a corn field, he'd be cutting a maze you had to survive for a screening of Children of the Corn in the center. I suggest this as a fun Halloween thing and she looks at me warily and says they thought about making a haunted house out of it with scenes of monsters inside, but that with the weather, the corn would probably not last until October. Monsters nothing. How about just a flash light without batteries?
I'm curious to talk to her further, but Freddy VS Jason is starting, so I run across this dark, foggy, and oh yeah, EMPTY field to my dark, foggy, dear god I hope, EMPTY car. For max effect, I roll the windows down and let night air and bugs in. There are dark trees behind the screen and a saggy abandoned barn--I'm dying for Jason to stomp out of the bushes. Out of the second story of the house, a light stabs the screen: It's the trailer for Texas Chainsaw Massacre. My cup runneth over and it's not even October yet!
Dorothy Parker
PS In relooking up their website, I did find an article on the place. Apparently they survived since last year: CLICK HERE
