I am – Hercules!!

A romantic comedy from writer-producer Kevin Murphy (“Desperate Housewives”), “Valentine” tells the tale of the Greek goddess Aphrodite and her son Eros (known in Rome, and on ABC, as Cupid), who try to hook people up with their soulmates. The demigod Hercules, titan Phoebe, fire-god Hephaestus and war-god Ares help out as well. Aphrodite is played by Jamie Murray, who assayed the nutty arsonist on “Dexter” last season. Phoebe is Autumn Reeser, formerly Taylor Townsend on “The O.C.”

There are only a few asphalt arteries that connect the Los Angeles Basin, where they keep Columbia, Fox and Paramount, to The San Fernando Valley, where they keep Warner Bros., Universal and Disney. A single-lane stretch of Laurel Canyon Boulevard is one of these, and the traffic lights are situated in such a way that it’s often hard to miss the giant sign at the entrance of the real-life Mount Olympus housing development, where the gods depicted in this series now live with their oracle hot-tub.

The jokes approach a “Charmed” level of trite, derivative and toothless, the uneven acting cannot compensate, and the characters’ behavior doesn’t make a load of sense. It's not the worst comedy we've seen this season, but it's pretty poor. One remains hopeful “Valentine” will not inhibit the great North American viewing public from sampling Rob Thomas’ fast-approaching remake of “Cupid” when that very similar-sounding project rockets into the primetime fray.

USA Today give it one star (out of four) and says:

… giving the show a pass would be a kindness. Badly cast and sadly inept …

The New York Times says:

… I do not ♥ “Valentine.” … Again we have a matriarch on our hands, and this time she is Aphrodite, living in a big spread right out of “90210,” and played by Jaime Murray, who did a great job as a stalker-arsonist on “Dexter” last season, but here is made paradoxically to deliver too-cute dialogue while looking like Joan Crawford in “Mildred Pierce.”

The Los Angeles Times says:

… To say "Valentine" is terrible does not do justice to either the show or the word "terrible." … High jinks ensue, but they are flat and predictable, which is pretty unforgivable considering they're gods and all.

The Chicago Tribune says:

… despite the witty dialogue and capable performances, everything on this wispy show is resolved a little too easily. It's hard not to think that if you've seen one episode of "Valentine," you've seen them all. …

The Washington Post says:

… Like the homeliest puppy in the pound, there's something lovable about this clanky ode to romantic love; maybe it's just that the cast is so determined to put it over, no matter how foolish even the actors might find the material. …

The Boston Globe says:

… The hour is whimsical, but too often self-consciously so, as the gods goof around while working on the cutesy couple of the week. When the gods bring a mortal romance writer into their love business, to help them lure lovelorn people away from their computers, the show loses its way. …

The Associated Press says:

… silly but engaging, with Grace played by British enchantress Jaime Murray (a sensation last season on "Dexter"). All this is reason enough to check it out, though — truth be told — the rest of the cast is pretty second-rate. Too bad. On a TV series, love isn't all you need. …

Variety says:

… one would have to go back to "The Charmings" — about fairy-tale characters living in Burbank — to find a plot this contrived. … Mortals, Danny complains, are constantly creating substitutions for human interaction. Judging from this show, one can hardly blame them. …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… While the hour is not without its charm, it's just a tad too precious for its own good, so taken with its own lithe coolness that it rather destroys any chance it might have to connect with us on anything greater than a superficial level. … there is nobody straight out of the gate to root for in "Valentine," which presents a bit of a problem when your show is all about personality. Take away the likability factor, and you're left with a rather empty shell of a gimmick that's shimmering and glossy but ultimately substance-challenged. …

8 p.m. Sunday. The CW.

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