CARTMAN!! 30 ROCK!! PALIN!! RACER!! ROBOT!! IMPOSSIBLE!! WHO!! MOONLIGHT!! SIMPSONS!! HercVault!! -- Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.

Published on Tuesday, October 7, 2008 - 2:52am

CARTMAN!! 30 ROCK!! PALIN!! RACER!! ROBOT!! IMPOSSIBLE!! WHO!! MOONLIGHT!! SIMPSONS!! HercVault!!

I am – Hercules!!

South Park: Cult of Cartman comes with 12 four- to five-star unbleeped episodes of the funniest comedy on television. All installments on the set center on Kyle’s chubby anti-semite nemesis:

5.4 “Scott Tenorman Must Die.” Radiohead plays a role in Cartman’s plot against the 15-year-old who tricked him into attending the Pube Fair. (Tears of unfathomable sadness put in an appearance, and Kenny actually laughs himself to death!)

5.6 “Cartmanland.” When Cartman inherits a million dollars from his grandmother, he buys a theme park and refuses to let anyone else play in it. Also, Kyle renounces his faith because he got a hemorrhoid and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies.

8.2 “Up The Down Steroid.” Cartman feigns a disorder in order to compete with Jimmy and Timmy for the $1000 Special Olympics prize.

8.5 “A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.” While Cartman impersonates a robot to retrieve Butters’ incriminating videotape, he is recruited by both movie execs and the Pentagon. One of the movie execs mistakes A.W.E.S.O.M.-O for a pleasure unit.

9.6 “The Death of Eric Cartman.” When Cartman eats all the skin off a communal bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, his friends all decide to pretend he doesn’t exist. Butters gets the news about “Super-AIDS” and the doctors give him a really sore hinder. Scott Tenorman makes a graveside cameo!

9.11 “Ginger Kids.” After Cartman accuses Kyle of being a soulless half-ginger “daywalker,” Kyle, Stan and Kenny transform him into a befreckled redhead. Curiously, the horrified Cartman stops wearing the trademark cap that would normally obscure his new hair color.

10.3 “Cartoon Wars Part I.” When an episode of “Family Guy” depicts the prophet Mohammad, “Family Guy”-hating Cartman heads to Hollywood to shut the show down “Seriously, ‘Family Guy’ isn’t even that well written,” warns a terrorist. “The jokes are all interchangeable and usually irrelevant to the plot.”

10.4 “Cartoon Wars Part II.” In Hollywood, Cartman teams with an angry Bart Simpson and learns the terrible secret of the “Family Guy” writing-room. “If you look closely at the writing in ‘Family Guy,’ you will see the jokes never derive from plot,” points out Osama Bin Laden. Hear Bart Simpson say, “Cowabunga, motherfucker!” (Note that Comedy Central’s censorship of Mohammad’s image persists on this set.)

11.8 “Le Petit Tourette.” Cartman discovers a means by which he can say anything and not get in trouble, but regrets the decision when he seems to start suffering from the disease for real. “Dateline” correspondent Chris Hanson’s studio runs red with the blood of homosexual pedophiles.

12.1 “Tonsil Trouble.” Cartman contracts the HIV virus via a transfusion mix-up, then squirts a syringe full of his own blood into Kyle’s mouth. Jimmy Buffett sings “AIDSburger in Paradise.”

12.5 “Eek, A Penis!” When Mrs. Garrison decides to pursue a cloned penis, Cartman takes over as substitute and ends up getting a job teaching in the inner city. We learn that abortion is the ultimate form of cheating, and that cloned cartoon penises can sing.

12.7 “Super Fun Time.” The last time we saw Butters, he was dragging a bloodied and unconscious Cartman out of Pioneer Village.

I noticed no commentaries, but each episode is preceded by Cartman himself offering a very short never-aired “life lesson.” Lesson number five is “Family Guy sucks my balls.” There’s also a decal and a Eric Theodore Cartman Society membership card. The box itself resembles a goldleaf prayerbook. When did they stop sticking “Braniff: Believe It!” at the end of episodes?

The writer’s strike cut the number of episodes in “30 Rock’s” second season to 15, but it won the series' second “outstanding comedy” Emmy anyway.

During the Dratch-free second season? “MILF Island” scored in the ratings, Jerry Seinfeld learned NBC was repurposing his image, David Schwimmer played the eco-friendly superhero Greenzo, Liz badmouthed Jack to the press, starting dating a 20-year-old and befriended a washed-up comedy writer (Carrie Fisher), Buck Henry, Anita Gillette and Andy Richter turned up as Liz’s family, Jenna battled weight gain, Tracy took up dog fighting, Liz’s ex Dennis became a subway hero, GE CEO Don Geiss went into a coma and Jack took a job with Homeland Security.

COMMENTARIES:

2.2 “Jack Gets In The Game.” Will Arnett.

2.3 “The Collection.” Jane Krakowski & Jack McBrayer.

2.6 “Somebody To Love.” Fred Armisen.

2.7 “Cougars.” Judah Friedlander.

2.10 “Episode 210.” Tina Fey & producer Jeff Richmond.

2.11 “MILF Island.” Scott Adsit.

2.12 “Subway Hero.” Tim Conway & Jack McBrayer.

2.13 “Succession.” Writer-producer Robert Carlock & episode writer/producer John Riggi.

2.14 “Sandwich Day.” Tina Fey.

2.15 “Cooter.” Jane Krakowski & Jack McBrayer.

DELETED SCENES:

2.1 “Seinfeld Vision 1: What I Did This Summer.” (:27) Pete and Cerie reveal what they did; Toofer does not.

2.1 “Seinfeld Vision 2: Outside The Bridal Store.” (:09) Liz discusses her special day.

2.4 “Rosemary’s Baby: Kenneth’s Burned Jacket.” (:53) Jenna remembers her visit to the United Nations.

2.7 “Cougars: Lutz Wears a Onesie.” (:35) Frank shames a urinal-utilizing co-worker.

2.11 “MILF Island: Candy Bar.” (:41) Pete discovers a possible source of sustenance.

2.14 “Sandwich Day: Jack’s Job Interview.” (1:15) A desperate Jack is asked how he intends to bring about Webtopia.

OTHER EXTRAS:

* “Cooter Table Read.” (31:28) See the cast read their scripts while the actual script scrolls by at the bottom on your screen. Learn that Alec Baldwin wears a suit and tie to the read. Learn that Fey read the Helen Mirren lines.

* “30 Rock Live at the UCB Theater.” (46:45) Episode 2.8, “Secrets and Lies,” is performed live in mid-November, three weeks before it aired on NBC, as a fundraiser for the series production assistants put out of work by the writers strike. As Fey points out in the introduction, the audio is not the greatest. SNL writer Paula Pell takes the Edie Falco role of Celeste Cunningham, the Democratic congresswoman Jack both loves and hates. Writer Robert Carlock plays James Carville. John Lutz and Jack McBrayer improvise the commercials, which hawk photocopiers, beer, tampons and flamethrowers. James Carville T-Shirts and Shinehardt Wig Company T-shirts are raffled off. “30 Rock” plays exceedingly well in this live, minimalist setting, as the show carries over so much of the surreal “SNL” sensibility.

* “Tina Hosts SNL.” (8:05) A backstage look at the days leading up to Fey’s hilarious and highly rated Feb. 23 return to “Saturday Night Live.” See a sketch about Eagles fans that was cut at dress! See Fey accidentally wreck the fake ax she used in the “Annuale” commercial. Learn that Fey wrote the “Annuale” sketch, the monologue and her “bitch is the new black” “Update” endorsement of Hillary Clinton.

* “The Academy of Television Arts and Science presents an evening with 30 Rock.” (23:09) Some time after “30 Rock” won its first “outstanding comedy” Emmy and NBC anchorman Brian Williams hosted SNL on Nov. 3, Williams moderated a panel consisting of Tina Fey, executive producer Lorne Michaels, writer-producer Robert Carlock, Alec Baldwin, Lonny Ross, Judah Friedlander, Keith Powell, Katrina Bowden, Jack McBrayer and Scott Adsit. Learn that Fey and Baldwin both partially modeled Jack Donaghy on Michaels. Learn that all 10 writers work on every episode.

Fans of “The Wire,” “Mad Men” and other quality dramas are still encouraged to take a look at Showtime’s “Brotherhood.” There’s a third season coming, and its ratings keep growing, but I feel this show about Rhode Island mobsters and politicians should be much, much bigger than it is. Of course, I feel the same way about “The Wire” and “Mad Men.”

I’ve particular fondness for 2.7, “Only a Pawn …,” in which bad guy Michael Caffee is assigned to help an ever badder guy, a terrifyingly effective visiting hitman. Series mastermind Blake Masters wrote and directed; if it doesn’t bring you aboard I can’t imagine anything will. Well, beyond the Annabeth Gish nudity.

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